Some thoughts and reflections on my 30th birthday :)

I’m proud of the woman I am. I am proud of my hustle, but also my stillness. I am proud of my healing. Of the time I’ve taken to understand and feel my pain. I’m proud that I’ve given myself freedom to feel deep joy. To find meaningful love. I’m proud to go to therapy. I’m proud of my courage, my anger, my awkwardness. I am proud of the relationships I have. I’m proud of how I’ve advocated for myself, how I’m learning to navigate the business of me.

Sometimes I…

I moved into my current one-bedroom Chicago apartment in July 2016. It would be the first place where I would live alone, a big departure from having lived in a 4-bedroom apartment with three of my very best friends, preceded by years at college where friends were always nearby. I was nervous to step out on my own but excited at the idea of making my home what I wanted it to be.

I hired movers and managed the move with them on my own — my boyfriend at the time was out of town and I didn’t want to…

But knowing doesn’t make it easy

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I know how to take care of myself. I know how much sleep I need and how much alone time I need. I know I need to drink a lot of water. I know which foods make me feel full, which make me gassy, and which give me a headache. I know too much social media makes me anxious. I know certain things trigger bad memories. I know my alcohol limit and my hangover cures. I know that I should exercise, dammit.

But sometimes I have a hard time taking care of myself. Sometimes I drink more than my body…

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Dear Dr. Blasey Ford,

A very big part of me wants to hide and curl up in a ball and bemoan the state of the world. But if you can be brave, so can I.

Thank you. Thank you for going far and above your civic duty to report something deeply disturbing about a potential supreme court justice. Thank you for providing a brave voice to what practically every woman in this nation has experienced to varying degrees.

You are my hero. You are a real-life wonder woman. You deserve a lifetime vacation.

I am so deeply sorry for what…

My grandfather, who I called Grampy, had severe dementia in the last nine years of his life. It caused him to do things like offer people scotch neat at 10 o’clock in the morning, collect an obscene amount of hair combs, and exclaim things like, “she’s got an ass that just won’t quit” while walking behind a very annoyed-looking nurse.

For much of those nine years, it was unnerving to see him forget things, and to see the confused look on his face. He was like a wrinkly, white-haired infant trying to figure something out for the first time. As…

You’ve probably walked past it a million times. That sign in your neighborhood that says in big letters, “You are beautiful.” When I first saw it, I thought huh….thanks, I guess? But lately when I see it, I think, fuck you, I fucking know. To me, the sign feels like just another dude telling me something similar as I walk past him.

I don’t know the origin of the signs. I’m sure the intentions were good and pure and were meant to bring confidence to the people of that neighborhood. And perhaps it has. Perhaps I am one of three…

A letter to myself

Dear Cath,

You won’t believe this, but . . . you will be ok. Turns out you were dating a compulsive liar these past two years. He cheated on you an obscene amount, lied to you more than you will ever know, and broke your heart. But you will be ok. Buckle up, though. Because this is gonna be hard as fuck.

Your friends will prove to you once again that they are as good as family. They are the family you chose. The people who will drop what they’re doing to hold you while you…

Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” filled the car as we cruised down route 95 on a Saturday morning. My five- year-old legs, not yet able to reach the floor, jumped to the beat as I tried to imitate my sister’s foot-tapping motion. My dad tapped his hands on the steering wheel and bopped his head while the breeze from the open windows blew wisps of hair around my face. My sister and I sang along, unaware of any missed pitches while simultaneously feeding our baby dolls “food” from our diaper bags. …

The following was delivered as a graduation speech at Masconomet (Masco) Regional High School in June, 2009.

A few weeks ago, I attended my sister’s graduation from Wake Forest University, where Joe Biden delivered the commencement address. True to his campaign slogan, he talked a lot about change; change in our economy, our government, our environment, and our relationship with the world. But to me, the most striking message of his speech was the fact that our generation, no matter what we do, will see immense change; the type of change that is written in history books; the type of…

He Woke the Beast was first performed on May 29th, 2016 as part of The Arrow Cracks with The Neo-Futurists.

Brian put his hand on my thigh and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t let that happen to you again.” I wanted to take his hand off my leg and slap him in the face with it repeatedly, while saying, “Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.”

Brian and I were both studying abroad in Morocco for the semester. Brian was a West Point Cadet who wanted to improve his Arabic. …

Catharine Savage

Writer. Comedian. Actor. Follow me on Twitter @CatharineSavage

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